


Never Again

by JanusAbernathy



Category: Resident Evil (Movieverse)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 20:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanusAbernathy/pseuds/JanusAbernathy
Summary: Alice's past will never stop haunting her, but Claire will never stop reminding her she's still a human.





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> Here's an one-shot drabble that popped in my mind, and I felt the urge to write it down on my Alice RP blog over at http://tornhumanity.tumblr.com/ -- but yeah, I decided to post it on here as well. Hope you enjoy! If you couldn't tell already, I'm deeply attached to Alice... emotionally. I just love her to death. And the relationship / connection she has with Claire. It's probably going to be the death of me.

_Underneath the skin there's a human_  
_Buried deep within there's a human_  
_And despite everything I'm still human_  
_But I think I'm dying here_

_Woken up like an animal_  
_I'm all ready for healing_  
_My mind's lost with nightmares streaming_  
_Woken up (kicking screaming)_

_Take me out of this place I'm in_  
_Break me out of this shell-like case I'm in_

\--_Human _by **Daughter**_  
_

* * *

Hearing them reminisce about the days, before the lands across the United States become soaked with the blood of the fallen. It’s something sweet, and pure– to watch the other survivors in the settlement made out of an abandoned town, clinging onto whatever happiness they desperately believe would return one day… it’s something Alice likes to hear. But another part of her wishes she **_didn’t. _**

It’s how she ended up here, in the gym tucked away in the very back of the town and her hands balled up into fists so tightly. While she threw a punch after another upon the bag hanging by a single strap from the ceiling. Unlike the others out there… Alice _cannot, _for the sake of her life, think of any happiness. Remember any of it. Because every time a sliver of a precious memory begins to surface, the bitter hatred and never-ending agony would crawl from the darkest corners of her head to snuff out the dim ray of light. 

_“I’m not sure I want to remember what went on down here.” Her voice nearly quavers, when she turns her gaze to the dark-skinned man standing next to her. One of the very few she didn’t sense that was of any danger to her. There was a familiar feeling of comfort. The man continued to stare inside the large container where one of man’s worst creations laid dormant inside. Eventually he looks back to the blonde, his voice firm but his eyes seemed to soften. Pity? No. Compassion… yes. “I don’t blame you.” _**_James Shade._ **_Boss, leader… father figure. _  
  
Harder– her fists demands for more force against the punching bag. Just to allow the delicious ache throb within them, one of the very few things that makes her feel like she’s still alive. Despite the times she **wished **she wasn’t to begin with. 

_ He might seem like a cocky asshole at first, with the smugness and the charming smile he’d flash at his shorter companion. The teasing that went on between him and her, Alice would always find to be amusing. Even though he could be serious when necessary, and that was admirable. You could tell there was a big heart hidden under all that toughness, by the looks he would give his partner. His marksman skills were never to be underestimated either. **J.D. Salinas. **Team mate, friend… closest thing to a brother. _

The whispers in the back of her head wouldn’t stop. They continued to build with each passing memory, taunting her. She swears she could hear them laugh at her, too. Cruelly. So her punches becomes even more harder, another desperate attempt to drown out the voices. 

_“The bitch wouldn’t open the door, so I had to fry her.” He’s alive… Alice couldn’t help but stare in disbelief for a long moment, but a genuinely relieved smile tugs at the corner of her mouth faintly. He made it! Even though he demanded with surprising courage for them to keep going on without him, he still found another way around. Always the genius. **Chad Kaplan. **Team mate, technology expert… another one that’s just as close to a brother she never had. A true friend. _

She barely notices the faint creaking noise of the bag threatening to break from the ceiling, nor does she notice the blood beginning to soak through the wraps around her knuckles.

“_I don’t want to be one of those things. Walking around without a soul.” The noticeable fear in her best friend’s voice delivered a crack to Alice’s heart, and a part of her wants to die. But she stubbornly refuses to believe another one will fall. Especially **not **the woman who captured her heart and made her braver than usual. ‘No, I’m not going to let you go–’ The thought is loud in Alice’s head as she injects the anti-virus. **Rain Ocampo. **Team mate, best friend… potential lover. _

Her muscles are rippling at this point, and there’s the ungodly sensation of the virus shifting underneath skin. Provoked by the silent rage building once more. Prompting her to violently attack the punching bag with all she had, almost as if she was literally fighting for her life against an object. Her jaw is clenched, and her teeth grinds with each punch. Somewhere else in the gym, there’s distant noise of objects beginning to rattle against surface. Signs that her telekinesis was beginning to come into play.

_“There was nothing you could’ve done.” His voice is gentle, as he tries to reassure her. All Alice could do was look back up at him, tears still welling up in her eyes, and she felt so utterly… broken. Empty. Hopeless. As she stares back in the pair of eyes so blue that you’d swear he was an angel of some kind. He should know her pain, he did lose his sister down in the HIVE as well. ‘You’re wrong, I could have stopped the Project sooner. I could’ve prevented any of this from happening.’ The words don’t come out with a voice, they remain in her head – spiraling down the drain along with everything else. **Matt Addison. **Anti-Umbrella activist, survivor… trustworthy ally. _

The assault on the bag intensifies, preventing her from hearing the door to the gym opening and shutting, followed by footsteps across the floor. She wanted to scream. Curse God for looking the other way. To _run, _and keep running till her legs can take no more. 

“_Alice.” _

She registers the voice calling her name, but all she does is continue to lay into the bag and a voice in her head snaps back, ‘That’s not my real name. It’s Janus. Janus Prospero. That’s who I am. But then again… she _died. _So I guess Alice will have to do.’ 

** _“Alice!!” _ **

She finally snaps, and lands one final punch at the bag– delivering every ounce of her strength into it. _Superhuman strength. _The strap holding the bag finally gives away, ripping away a piece of the ceiling along with it when it was sent flying into the wall with enough force it left a dent. The bag then fell to the floor, ripped at the seams. It had nearly exploded under the brute force. Spinning around to face the person who had shouted her name, eyes wild and you’d swear you could see a wildfire in them. A symbol of the rage she had been suppressing for so damn long, broken free from it’s cage. **“What?!” **She was breathing heavily, chest rising with each sharp intake of breath and falling with each rough exhale.

It was Claire. The redhead was standing there with deep concern written all over her features, and Alice wanted to shrink away and hide when she had seen the flinch from the woman in reaction to the older woman snapping out of nowhere. Alice swears she saw a flicker of fear, and she felt bad. Horrible. Almost… like a monster. 

But Claire wasn’t afraid. She doesn’t let it show as she stares back at the older woman silently for what seemed to be longer than what was actually thirty seconds max. _“…Are you okay?” _Her voice is a whisper.

Alice’s nostrils flared with one more exhale, and her response this time around was quieter but still deafening in a way, **“**I’m _fine.**”** _She forced her gaze to be torn away from the younger woman’s and she moved towards the bench nearby, dropping down on it. She could feel exhaustion slamming into her already. Her muscles were trembling now. Darkened eyes flit down to her fists, and she breathed out sharply at the sight of blood all over them. Eyes then fluttered shut, squeezing tightly while she leaned forward to rest her forearms against her thighs. She wanted to throw up now. It was the stress from everything, the memories and the virus’s work. It was already beginning to heal the cuts on her knuckles, and Alice didn’t even try to resist it. She just… found it hard to care anymore. 

She could hear faint footsteps approaching her, as Claire slowly made her way towards the older woman. A part of her wanted to cry out, to yell at the woman to stay away from her because she’s dangerous.

A scoffing laugh suddenly escapes past Alice’s lips and she slowly shook her head, **“**…No, I’m not fine.**”** When she opened her eyes again, she could see Claire’s feet on the floor in front of her and she finds the courage to look back up at the redhead once more. Almost instantly, all by just looking into the pair of green eyes, a calming sensation begins to roll in. Like gentle ocean waves lapping onto the shore on a clear day– after a storm.

She feels it’s perfectly okay to open up again, and let it out. Say what she needs to say. What she _wants _to say. 

“I’m never going to be fine again, I know that. I’m not going to die of natural causes. Old age. _None_ of that. I’m going to die brutally and I have no choice but to accept that.” There it is, the grief that she had kept bottled too, and the urge to cry is overwhelming. Tears begin to well up. “And I **hope **that when I finally die… the ghosts that live in my shadow will protect my grave. So I won’t be stolen from the eternal peace that I deserve, and brought back as something else that I’m **not. **A monster.”

The entire time, Claire listened silently and crouched down in front of Alice. The admiration, and _undying love_ is evident in her eyes. It made Alice’s bottom lip tremble, and the older woman didn’t bother holding back the tears anymore. It was time they had come anyway, her eyes had been dry for far too _damn long. _

Alice doesn’t coil and pull away when Claire’s hands lifted up to take her face in them and the calming sensation intensified with each stroke of the younger woman’s thumb along her jaw, and cheek. _“And **that, **right there… is what makes you more human than you’ll ever know.” _

Those spoken words from Claire, had a truth within them that was undeniable and they opened up the floodgates. Slowly, the younger woman’s hands moved up– one on the back of Alice’s head and gently urging her to rest her head. Claire’s other arm wrapped around the strong shoulders, bruised and battered from the weight of the broken world– simply brushing them off, so Alice could breathe properly again. 

Alice buried her face in the crook of Claire’s neck, and her body convulsed as she started sobbing. She’s so tired of holding it in. So tired of keeping the door locked. And all it took was for Claire to unlock it, before pushing it wide open. Eventually, Alice wrapped her arms around Claire’s torso and pulled her close against her own body, tightly as she continued to let it all out. 

**“**D-don’t–**”** Alice’s voice cracked at first, it was a little difficult to breathe but she stubbornly wanted to say something, before she has the chance taken away from her again. “_Please _don’t ever leave me, too. Don’t let them take you away from me. **Please.” **

Even as soothing it was, the stroking from Claire’s fingers through her hair and along the back of her neck– it just seemed like her sobbing worsened. Undoubtedly caused by the fear of losing Claire too, the one and only person who could ever make her feel normal again. Remind her that the human buried deep within wasn’t dead. Just sleeping, waiting for the chance to wake up and be alive again.


End file.
